Overcome Social Anxiety and Social Phobia

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SOCIAL ANXIETY: THE KEY TO RECOVERY

If you have social phobia, or social anxiety disorder, you might experience panic attacks which are very similar to those experienced by someone with panic disorder. There are so many similarities that I strongly recommend that you first read, if you haven't already, our selection of Self Help articles for panic disorder. They contain a lot of useful information which is very applicable to social anxiety disorder, and I won't be repeating all that material here.

In this first article, I will highlight the differences between panic disorder and social anxiety disorder, as well as a core problem they have in common. In future articles, I will describe techniques specifically designed for social anxiety disorder. But as I mentioned, there are many tips contained in the panic disorder section which are quite useful for social anxiety, so be sure to check them out - especially the piece on diaphragmatic breathing!

The most obvious difference between social anxiety disorder and panic disorder is that the situations and activities which trigger the panic of social anxiety disorder are often different from those associated with panic disorder. They involve situations in which others are present, and an activity which the person fears will lead others to notice and judge him. Thus, while a person with panic disorder may be prone to panic attacks on a highway or a bridge, where the physical environment limits freedom of action, a person with social anxiety disorder may be prone to panic when attending a dinner party, when asked to introduce two friends, or when making a presentation to an audience.

Another difference is what the person fears will happen. With panic disorder, it's usually a fear of dying, going crazy, or otherwise losing control of oneself...and, thus, never being the same person again. With social anxiety disorder, the fear is more of being judged and found to be weak, deficient, or peculiar, in some terribly embarrassing way...and always being shunned by people thereafter.

A third difference is the kinds of symptoms experienced. While the symptoms of panic in either panic disorder or social anxiety disorder are very similar, and mostly overlap with each other, there are some differences. In general, a person with social anxiety disorder will be more focused on symptoms which could be visible to others - symptoms such as turning red in the face, trembling, sweating, and so on. This reflects the underlying fear of looking foolish and fearful in front of others.

In my work with clients who suffer from social anxiety, I often find that they have been fooled by the same basic "trick" that fools people who suffer from panic disorder. They respond to the anxiety as if it were a danger that needs to be fought at all costs, rather than a discomfort which needs to be accepted, and managed, before it will fade.

If you haven't yet read my article "The Panic Trick", you might want to go have a look at it now, and then return to read this article.

Unfortunately, many self-help books, and even some professional therapists, perpetuate this trick by emphasizing the techniques of anxiety reduction far more than the necessity of cultivating an accepting attitude (and corresponding actions) toward the anxiety. In my experience, acceptance is actually more important than the anxiety reduction techniques.

The Panic Trick leads people to struggle with their fear in a variety of ways. They may use a variety of relaxation techniques, such as imagery or self hypnosis, but use them as if they were tools designed to kill anxiety, rather than as ways to feel more calm. In other words, they try too hard to relax, and they try so desperately that they don't relax at all. They may deliberately talk to themselves, which can be very helpful, but not if they give themselves a message like "just calm down" (through gritted teeth!), or even worse, "just calm down, you idiot!" These methods, unfortunately, tend to make the anxiety more persistent, and more difficult.

There's an old story about a farmer who sent his son to get the animals back in the barn. The son managed to get the cows, chickens, and horses in without too much trouble, but was completely unable to get the donkey in the barn. He tried pushing the donkey. He tried pulling. He tried yelling. He tried hitting the donkey. The donkey resisted all his efforts, and stubbornly remained outside the barn. Finally, the son returned home to tell his father of his failure with the donkey. Whereupon, the father went out to the barn with the son, pushed the donkey away from the barn, and the donkey, ever resistant, ran right into the barn.

Fear is usually like that, and social anxiety can be a real donkey.

The harder you try not to be afraid, the more embroiled you will become. So the first step in getting over this fear is, paradoxically, becoming willing to be afraid. You don't have to like it...you don't have to plan on always being afraid...but you will do much better in your recovery when you can develop an accepting, or willing attitude. This means not fighting it; not trying to hide it; and not blaming yourself for it.

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This page was last modified on 11-2-2008.